Evidence that I actually want to punch everything

Last night I had a dream that I was escaping from Venice via a secure military installation with a clone of Neal Diamond.

Let me backtrack.

I was flying through Venice for some reason, but I missed my connecting flight. In anger, I fought with some guy in the airport. The judge ruled that I was mentally unstable, so I was confined to leave Venice. Now trapped in this majestic Italian city, I was forced to punch out a lot of uppity pickpockets. They were persistent.

In my apartment building, I met a woman who wanted to leave Venice covertly and hired me to escape with her. She was smuggling something out in a cradle. We hopped a motorboat piloted by a clone of Neal Diamond, crossed the lagoon, and landed in a Bond-inspired military base---rather than anywhere else on the shore.

The dream ended with a montage of us fighting through the military complex by the most lowbrow tactic: while people were shocked from seeing Neal Diamond, I punched them. Hard.

If anyone wants to make a major motion picture out of this, please give me a cut of the proceeds. I'll even take a shitty cut.

Key quotes from the Christmas adventure

Mom: "There are no reasons for anything."

Dad: "Lava lamps speak to people."

Christmas comics

My favorite comic, possibly ever, is from Penny Arcade:















But, given the season, we should all be wary:












And go to Canada. More holiday-themed Wondermark here.

Holiday robot choreography

SLYT: