Ceiling Wax

An original, one-scene, vignette play by Ernie, entitled
CEILING WAX,
or
FINDING THE CORAL OF UNDERSTANDING IN THE SEA OF CONFUSION,
or
THE QUEST FOR THE CONCH OF COMMUNICATION +10

(The scene opens on a humble dining room. Lila and Ernie sit at the table as their Mother speaks loudly from the adjacent kitchen. Lila appears to be writing thank-you letters to friends and family.)
Mother: Ernie, are you online? Can you check if Amazon has ceiling wax.
Ernie: No, they don't.
Mother: Too bad, we'll have to go out to get some.
Lila: We could try the zoo. For the seals.
Ernie: (Thinking: "that makes no sense at all but I'll laugh along.") Ah ha, how witty you are, sister of mine!

(The following morning: Ernie is awoken in bed most carelessly.)
Lila: Are you up yet?
Ernie: Ye---
Lila: I just wanted to tell you that we got some ceiling wax and you shouldn't be alarmed if the house burns down as I seal shut my thank-yous. Since the wax didn't come in colors, we'll also be melting crayons. Green crayons.
Ernie: (Catching on.) I thought you wanted wax for the ceiling!
Lila: Yup, so I could seal the letters.
Ernie: Oh, for the sealing. (Taps his nose knowingly.)
Lila: (With a look so quizzical less steeled souls would shatter under its weight. But Ernie is well known to be steeled and girded at all times. He is well known as an immotable mansion of mental magnificence. A towering colossus of cognitive clout. A titan of tranquil tenacity. Thus do men speak in hushed tones around campfires and in taverns across the lands of the one known by his name.)
Ernie: Of the letters.
Lila: (Quietly at unsure of her footing in this most discerning battle of wits.) Yes.
Ernie: So you won't be waxing any sea mammals or tops of our rooms, then, will you?
Lila: No, no we won't.
Ernie: Good.
Lila: I'm going downstairs now.
(Exeunt.)

MORAL: Avoid use of easily-confused homophones, because most likely nobody understands you! This could contribute to them not liking you or becoming deranged. You have been warned.

Disclaimer: All names, characters, places, and events are imaginary. So it follows trivially that any and all resemblance to anyone or anything real is intended, nor should it be inferred, because nothing is real.

Mathematics itself is on fire

So says this article in the New York Times. I find it rather interesting, not least because I love mathematics; also, the author maintains a playful tone throughout, including these phrases:

Referring to certain philosophy of science claims: "Those are still fighting words." (I picture bearded physicists throwing down clipboards and wrestling on top of a million-dollar piece of equipment.)

"Plato is really dead."

Describing someone as "a physicist and quantum trickster."

"In this case there is meta law — one law or equation, perhaps printable on a T-shirt — to rule them all."

The article comes to no conclusions about whether the scientific enterprise is independently valid, or rests on a fundamental faith in an orderly universe. It does present the theory that universes "spawn" with different features each time, which I think naturally lends itself to a video game. It could even be semi-educational, teaching players about physics. Of course, they would have to invent their own experiments. The game could dynamically change rules that they haven't discovered yet so that (with some small probability) each experiment contradicts the theory that the player has formed thus far. Thus does science baffle and entice we hapless scientists. Everything is so complexified.

The Dirtier Side of Life

Now that I've decided to blog, my life has gotten immediately stranger.

Last night, while I was innocently working on my Animal Behavior, I found myself overcome with a weariness. And, pondering the complex competition of eagles and crows for salmon, I was nearly napping. Yet, suddenly there came a tapping, as of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.

So I opened it.

No bold raven waited for me beyond that threshold, but my eyes found something more terrifying and inexplicable looming there. My blockmates, their hair caked with mud and their clothes literally soiled, stood grinning at me. It was 12:56 AM when they knocked at the door.

"You're not coming in here like that." Not an ultimatum, a decree.

They had been outside. On a normal day, I would classify that as surprising. Today, they had been inspired to play flag football. At night. After a day of rain. This sort of activity defies classification. The closest word in my thoughts right now is rabid, but that doesn't even come within an epsilon of my gut reaction.

I think this final picture sums up my fear. It was not the dirt that terrified me but the fear of something else: contamination. For all I know, those mud-covered creatures may be carriers of that zombie virus I keep hearing about. But then again, I've got my "zombie plan" all figured out.

Quote Challenge

Ernie and I sometimes play a game. The game goes like this:

(1) WLOG, I go first. I say a quote from literature/musicals/some source that we both know.
(2) Ernie must either correctly cite the quote, or provide the next line.
(3) If the quote is exceptionally difficult or obscure, a small hint may be given (e.g., a lengthening of the quote, or saying it in a particular accent).
(4) Repeat (1)-(3) with roles reversed.

The game continues until someone is stumped. That person loses.

This game is best played in person. At a distance, there is always the possibility that one's opponent cheats (e.g., by Googling the phrase), rendering the purpose of the game null. The idea is to determine which player has the better memory, not which player can use a search engine.

For example, "Not for use as pants." is an excellent quote, and one that I am sure Ernie has recently read. Unfortunately, it is also well-documented online.

I like this game despite its susceptibility to cheaters, and would like to play it online (specifically, on this blog). It requires "secure" quotes, i.e., quotes that do not readily yield to Google searches.

I offer you these (separate) quotes:

"Walruses are a scourge upon mankind!"

"Vick's NyQuil - green, because there's a Vulcan in every bottle."

These quotes are not widely known or popular (though they should be!), but I would only rate them as "middle" on the difficulty scale. I am sure that people I know, and people you know, have come across these quotes recently. You just have to ask.

If you can correctly cite either of these quotes, then you may submit the next quote challenge.

Thoughts on BSG Season 4

After the showing of "Razor" tonight, there was a very telling trailer for the upcoming season. Interestingly, it claims that four cylons were revealed in the last season and one more remains unknown. So, I guess that means that Kara isn't a cylon after all.

This revelation makes the "Razor" statement perhaps a little interesting: where was Kara during the last few episodes and who was she with? The trailer suggested that the fleet stops trusting Kara because she might be a cylon. We are faced with a dilemma in continuity: either Kara died and then was resurrected (and is therefore a cylon because they haven't yet resorted to that particular deus ex machina on BSG) or she was rescued/captured by cylons immediately before her ship exploded. It certainly makes the series less interesting if they make Kara a cylon (Oh, you thought she was a cylon? Well, she is!) so I suspect she isn't at all. Also, if she is a cylon then Kara, Anders, and Tory form a CYLON LOVE TRIANGLE?!?!? Preposterous!

Anyway, the writers are all crazy because no new characters were introduced. "Razor" did not redeem the second half of season 3, in my opinion. We'll have to wait for March. (Or, better yet, Doctor Who in January!)

BSG "Razor" summary

Still crazy writers. Mostly, it was good, but then they killed off the one new, interesting character. She was the only redeeming part of this!

Everything built to Kara Thrace's line "I have a destiny." Was that the whole point? Weak sauce.

Viewers have a choice: continue to subject ourselves to the poor writing mauling the excellent premise and plot development of BSG, or stop watching and leave the fleet forever in limbo in our imaginations. A philosopher once said, when faced with untenable alternatives, you should consider your imperative. Our imperative is right here. In ourselves. And if right now victory seems like an impossibility then there is something else to reach for. Revenge.

Writers, beware.

BSG "Razor" commercial break 7

L: Return of the 15-year-old girls.

E: The point of the entire two-hour season opener is to tell the audience that "Kara Thrace will bring the human race to their end; she is the harbinger of the apocalypse." But, all this was known before (she's a cylon, after all), and all this will be known again, again, again, again, again, again, BOOM!

THE NEXT EPISODES OF BSG WILL BE IN MARCH?!

BSG "Razor" commercial break 6

"Sometimes we have to leave people behind so that we can go on." - Cain

E: Ergo, either Cain is a pirate or Cain is a reincarnation of Machiavelli.

E&L: OLD CYLONS = awesome!

L: CG upgrade also awesome. They are much more graceful now.

BSG "Razor" commercial break 5

L: The soundtrack indicates that Cain is evil. She is evil. No hesitation before making evil decisions (gut the civilian fleet; shoot the families of people we're trying to coerce onto our ship).

Why do all these female soldiers get to wear their hair down all the time? It must get in the way.

Kendra is a drug addict?

E: "Give them nothing, but take from them everything." Admiral Cain is a Spartan! So, were the commanding officers dining in hell earlier when Cain said she would never do anything to jeopardize the fleet?

L: Cain is clearly a cylon AND a Spartan. So cylons eventually develop time travel and go back to Sparta. Cylons can time travel! New Doctor Who villains! Cylons vs. cybermen vs. Daleks: who will win?!?!?!

The unrated, extended edition of "Razor" are in the DVD, released December 4. I hope there are lesbian sex scenes with 6!

BSG "Razor" commercial break 4

L: Flashbacks are (over)used as a storytelling device.

L&E: Why is Quiznos giving us summaries of the action right after it happens?

L: Quiznos: explaining plots for stupid people.

E: I have a prediction. Last season they revealed all the cylons, and then realized they need to make some more people cylons as well for dramatic effect.

L: 15-year-old girls!!

E: Right. (blank stare) So, they've introduced the Guardians as a third group of cylons with some other, unrelated goals---and new humanoid cylon models!

L: If Adama saw all these things 41 years ago, why didn't he mention them? Ever? Also, if they encountered this second group of cylons somewhere in the middle of season 3.0 (to judge by the existence of the Pegasus and Lee Adama as its commander), then why was it never mentioned? It would have been important in subsequent episodes of season 3.5.

BSG "Razor" commercial break 3

L: Who's in charge when all the ship's officers are drinking wine at once? Ooh, I like how sneaky 6 is: "In the end, we're all just human."

This took us to commercial: "It's been revealed. Helena Cain and [the 6] are lovers. Brought to you by Quiznos."

L&E: Awesome!

E: Mmm, lots of intrigue. Lesbians are a new theme. We've never addressed sexual preference except for those toaster-lovers like Helo.

L: Also, the doctor slept with two cylons at once.

E: Bad tactical decisions are a running theme. Admiral Cain decides to (inexplicably) launch an attack on vastly superior cylon forces when the Pegasus's guns are down. Am I the only one who smells foul play when we are mysteriously locked out of the gun controls?

BSG "Razor" commercial break 2

L: How come this new lieutenant could figure out the cylons' programmed backdoor in a few days, but no one on Galactica figured it out in more than a year?

E: Poor programming practice. The Twelve Colonies were full of technophobes.

L: On the bright side, there was just a car commercial featuring a tubby middle-aged car salesman doing Flashdance. It was hilarious.

E: So say we all.

BSG "Razor" commercial break 1

L: It doesn't suck yet.

E: We have one new character. Inexplicably, we never met this XO for the Pegasus before.

L: Hopefully, she's a cylon. Also, then we could theorize about the cylons' Asian fetish.

E: Too bad she's probably human. (Unless we're all cylons!)

Note: During this commercial break, Ernie sustained an injury to the head.

Liveblogging BSG now!

We are liveblogging "Razor" now. So far: flashbacks of footage from the past 3 seasons. Now, the ceremony where Lee Adama becomes commander of the Pegasus. I'm looking forward to this -- BSG has a chance to redeem itself from the last half of season 3, which (I'm convinced) was written by 15-year-old girls after cylons killed all the real writers.

Are you choking, yet?

They're all cylons.

The writers, that is. They're all still on strike. However, I saw this coming last year, far before the NYT article earlier this month. Why, you ask, did I know this? Trivial: Battlestar Galactica stunk for the second half of Season 3.

Marriage woes, labor unions, and racist doctors put the plot on hold after Baltar was recaptured on the algae planet. Without clear motivation, Kara Thrace goes crazy and flies into a planet. They mourn and then we discover all of the remaining cylons' identities. What can this final season hold in store? A conclusion of the plot line, perhaps. Tonight is the two-hour season opener. It will tell the story of the Pegasus, and hopefully reveal enough new characters to carry us through the season. The one thing we know is that nobody new is a cylon. Kind of takes the kick out of it all, doesn't it?

Awesome

In every age mankind attempts to fabricate great works at once magnificent and impossible. Dinners by the name of "fontesefontes" were magnificent and impossible. The difficulty of the commonly accepted space metric has forced us onto the blagotubes.

Combined we create awesome things and then more awesome people show up to witness them.